A panel of esteemed judges has decided that Andrew Constance, the NSW Minister for Transport, will from now on be known as Ferret McFuckface.

The renaming takes place in the wake of McFuckface’s own announcement that one of Sydney’s new ferries will be called Ferry McFerryface, in a pathetic rip-off of a year-old English joke.

In a hopeless attempt to show the more human side of a government that has sold out the public interest for private profit at every turn, Constance reversed plans to name the Emerald-class ferry after environmentalist Ian Kiernan.

Instead it’s Ferry McFerryface that will toil the harbour alongside vessels named after Australian doctors – heart surgeon Victor Chang; obstetrician Catherine Hamlin; and ophthalmologist Fred Hollows – and Indigenous leaders Pumulwuy and Bungaree.

Other names that were floated for McFuckface née Constance included Grinning Imbecile, First-Rate Fuckwit and Useless C*%t. While it was agreed by the panelists that Useless C*%t was the most appropriate name it was feared some may find the moniker too offensive, while Ferret McFuckface “brings a smile to the faces of visitors and locals alike”.

Photo by John Cowper used under this licence.