Sydney Outsider goes undercover to expose the secret society pulling the puppet strings in Australian politics.

Please note: this article was meant to be a satirical. Apologies to any Masons – or conspiracy theorists – who thought it was serious.

Civic Tower, on the corner of Castlereagh and Goulburn Street, looks like an ordinary office building. Workers trudge in every weekday and rush out every weeknight. Smokers linger by the entrance furtively sucking back fags. Colleagues pretend to give a shit about each other’s weekend while they wait for a lift to take them to their cubicles.

But Civic Tower is no ordinary building. At its base is the SMC Conference and Function Centre. That sounds innocent enough until you learn that SMC stands for Sydney Masonic Centre. This building is home to the Freemasons’ United Grand Lodge of New South Wales; headquarters for a secret society that has played a shadowy role in the country’s history.

After a tip-off about the Freemason stronghold Sydney Outsider decided to investigate. Our intrepid reporter crept through the lobby of the building and slipped into an elevator, then rode to level three of the centre. As the doors slid open before him, he felt like the bloke Tom Hanks played in The Da Vinvi Code, discovering whatever he discovered. It was truly earth-shattering.

Sydney Masonic Centre

Locked behind glass cabinets, there were strange robes. There were wooden hammers and golden bells. There were gilt paintings of white-haired men in colourful outfits. There was a water cooler and pamphlets explaining how to become a Freemason.

The most disturbing thing was the collection of portraits showing Freemason Prime Ministers. Ten of out twenty-seven PMs were revealed as members of this secret society. Whose interest were they acting in when they ran the country? The people, or other Freemasons? Who knows? Is that one rhetorical question too many?

Sydney Outsider
left the building before the Freemasons discovered their security had been breached. Back on the streets the wind seemed colder, and the shadows deeper. There are forces out there, controlling our lives, we can only guess at. Reading this you have been warned: make sure others know.

The Museum of Freemasonry, 279 Castlereagh St, is open to the public Monday to Friday, 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.