Killa Burger Grill
Cnr of Burwood Rd and Hume Hwy, Burwood Heights
Chris Ryan comes off second best to one of Sydney’s biggest burgers
There is a burger chain in Sydney that has made a firm decision: Quantity trumps quality. At the Killa Burger Grill you can take on a challenge to eat a burger that’s 30cm in diameter, with large chips, a 1.25L drink, and a soft serve desert. There is no prize if you complete the challenge within an hour. There is only the glory of having your name added to the Killa Wall of Fame.
I tell the girl at the counter I’m tackling the Killa Challenge. I expect her to gasp and warn me against it, like a woman begging her beau not to go to war. She asks for $29, hands me a buzzer, and looks past me to the next customer.
When I collect my meal I’m given a document to read over. I sign the waiver and accept all the risks that come with eating a burger bigger than my head, from a perforated stomach to an impacted colon.
You don’t climb Everest to look at the scenery (I’m guessing). I’m not tackling the Killa Challenge for the taste sensation. I jam the burger in my gob without savouring the bland meat patty. In five minutes I’ve swallowed a quarter. I’m halfway through at the 15 minute mark. I never get passed the third quarter.
At the thirty minute mark there is a hard ball of food squashed into my gut. I take a break from the burger and try some chips. A star of the meal at the beginning, now they have turned soggy. Every chip I force down comes close to triggering a vomit reflex. The burger itself has gone cold and the fat congealed. I would have more luck eating a bag of cement than struggling through another bite.
There is a steady stream of customers passing through the store. No one is interested in my epic struggle. And to be honest I’m not either. I start playing with my food: anything to avoid eating it. In the final minutes I go and fetch my dessert – a tub of soft serve with glowing strawberry topping – to see how far I am from completing the Killa Challenge.
I leave the burger joint feeling ashamed that I’ve fallen so short of my goal and disgusted that I’ve eaten so much. I know I didn’t push myself to the limit. If I did I would have blown chunks of burger into the takeaway joint’s toilet. And I’d prefer to have left it there, rather than have it sitting in my stomach.